Ending Relationships in Life!

For Thursday – May 30th 2013.

Between Us Only!

Ending Relationships in Life!

  • I propose that we abandon our relations entirely. I shall lose nothing by it, for my own emotional tie with you has long been a thin thread – the lingering effects of past disappointments – Letter from Dr. Freud to Discipline Jung in association relationships breakup in 1913.
  • It is not you – it is all me! – Famous Break Up Line!

Freud Jung

Image Dr. Freud and Jung – 1913.

Life is about making choicessometimes you are required to make extremely hard and difficult decisions in your options – stick to one and move forward in your life now in that direction – and fight as best as you can – even against great odds – not to waver or change! It is not an easy thing to do – but you know deep down in your heart – and in deep self-analysis and review – in deep conscience analysis – that this is the only right path and thing to do now!

There are many circumstances that can bring your life to a jolt that you need to make that brave decision now in your life! You might have suspected or even known for a long time that the person is not your real friend – or is not in your true interests, intentions and well-being – but you have been going along because you are impotent and weak to make the brave and courageous decision to break this relationship for good!

It maybe you had trusted this person so much to have been on your side – but all the time he was working against you from the inside – or even in front of you – but the eyes cannot see; the ears cannot hear; and the mouth cannot even speak out. You end as the person most blind, deaf and mute – and end as a trusting stupid incompetent bumbling stupid person – who has failed miserably in life to stand for oneself – and those that have relied and depended on you for doing the right, correct, ethical and professional thing – even if the repercussions could be dangerous and harmful to one. The question then props in – Are you a man or a mouse?

Relationship A

Quarrel between men and women

Images – Breaking Relationships – Most hard and painful!

Images For Demonstration Purposes Only!

A long time ago, when I was a kid – my late father – let him rest in peace – was introducing me to what he thought was his close business friend and associate! My father hardly spoke any English – and this man was insulting my father in front of my very eyes! As a kid, I was so scared of my father that I never dared to tell him this!

At this time also – my poor father had taken the wrong side in life by not supporting the locals there in their hopes and aspirations to become independent from the colonial masters – and he was very close in friendships to the much despised and hated then colonial DC – District Commissioner!

Relationship 1 Relationship 2

Images Relationships! – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

Wherever this DC moved – people had to stop doing everything they were doing and stand up. I was playing marbles with my friends – and continued playing and ignoring him – whilst my friends froze to death in their tracks! The DC wanted to know who this boy belonged to? When he was told it was my father – he told me – You are lucky that you are your father’s son – otherwise you would see what would have happened to you today!

That night my father reprimanded me – and for the first time in his life he showed me his true wisdom and pragmatism. He said to me – I understand what that man said to you. But so what? Do not think that what I am doing is not wrong – but I gain more by being his friend (DC) than by going against him. I am also able to sell more of my things in the shop than the other shopkeepers – even if their shops are more stocked and bigger than mine. I feel the air – and if I see the changes coming that will make me need to change – believe me I will change too fast – even if it will be very hard, challenging and difficult in the beginning! But change I will – I assure you!

Whilst he (DC) is still here – he will still be my friend. The friendship works for both of us meanwhile – he needs me – and I need him! He may think I am a gullible, stupid, naive and unsuspecting person – but I could say the same things to him! So the next time he comes around – there is no harm to stop playing – and going with the tide!

Remember he cautioned – going against the tide will drown you! Even if I have inside me full contempt and ridicule of the person – I will not show it to him openly – because I will end as the bigger loser! And why do it – when things are working out for me – by going this route? I will remain on this route as far as is bearable and tolerable!

Relationship 3 Relationship 4

Images Relationships – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

I never appreciated much what my poor dad had told me until further far more years in life when in Secondary School and we learnt about Okonkwo in Things Fall Apart! by Chinua Achebe – the great Author – who had died was buried recently! Then I realised how pragmatic, smart and intelligent my late father really was!

When the wind for change came in – my late father was the local council member looking after food in the place’s Independence celebrations – now their friend too! He had changed sides with the strong forces of change! Sadly, I never put this in practise in my career life – though my pragmatic peers did – and my misfortune in life! Mistakenly, I thought being transparent, frank and open was a better option for me!

In one of the films I saw long time back, these villages in Europe were hoisting the flags of the conquering and invading Nazi Germany! When the Allied Forces came in – they waved their flags instead – with exception of one ‘slow’ person who still had the Nazi flag – but harm was prevented to him when it was realised it was so. He was a happier person to get new colour flags – and that tells a very big story here of what really is at stake in life! And in relationships!

These things go down to even a lower level in our own lives – in our personal lives and associations too! The other day a good relative of ours came to our house – and so how granny was playing around with his grandchildren. Then he said to me – You are a lucky person – but you do not know it really! You see for me though I have grandchildren too – but I just woke up one day and I had decided then to end the relationships with my wife after 35 years of marriage.

Close up of young couple fighting

Image – Ending of Relationships!

He says to me – All this time I was naive and dreamful that she would change one day – but change she never did! It was no point in continuing the relationships any further – but I had to be strong willed and determined not to waver and change – though the temptations came many times to do so – I tell you! Any regrets I ask him? He retorts – Only like now seeing you playing with your grandchildren – and all as one in the family!

May Allah God Always Guide and Direct us to the right path and way – Amin – Amen

Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany

Looking After The Elderly!

For Sunday – June 2nd 2013.

Between Us Only!

Looking After The Elderly!

Your Lord had decreed, that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, Say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say; My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood – The Holy Quran Al-Israa – 17 -23-24

Some years ago – when my younger brother and I were taking our late father for his medical appointment at the hospital – we had parked the car near the Emergency entrance – and as we were getting him out of the car into the wheelchair – who comes to confront us but this old Omani person asking us very intrusive personal questions and our relationships with the patient. We met him later – and he was very apologetic to us as to why he did this!

The embarrassing taboo part was that though he had children of his own – including sons too – but none had accompanied him to the hospital but with just a proviso that once he finishes he should call one of them – and he will come to pick him at the entrance! He was lamenting badly ‘that they are more concerned about their jobs than me’ – especially when he came to know that we were also working at the time! This part seemed to hurt him a lot – learning where we worked – but then I politely and kindly told him not to ‘forget his son had a high profile job’ – not like us – and just not to make him feel more bad then what it was already!

Parents 1 Parents 2 Parents 3 Parents 4

Images Looking After The Elderly – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

A few months back this old lady we called as our granny had died. Allah Rest her soul – but she was a person that wanted a lot of attention to listening to – but otherwise was not a real pain or trouble. She had looked after our late father as a boy sometimes when our real grandmother was sick and invalid! She was the famous lady in my famous article of the relative lady who had wanted to slaughter her only goat that gave her milk too – because we had visited her at the home village for the first time when we had returned from Africa!

Parents 5

Images – Parents

At the funeral gathering they were asking us – ‘how were you related to her the late person?’ To just continue the conversation we had retorted – ‘why do you ask’! The answer came back – ‘because by the way you have all been concerned and the way you all came!’ I believe this always – sometimes in life it is best to keep quiet and pretend not to know – when bad things are said about others – and how they are treated about others – and I believe that also goes along well and fine with our teachings, belief and upbringing too! The most important thing is we ‘simply could not forget that this poor lady had at many times in her life’ looked after our late father! Nobody had asked her – nobody compelled her – and she was not even a relative to feel the pressure to do so!

With the nuclear family ever arising – coupled with increasing consumerism, selfishness, individualism, materialism and ever more bad hearts and will – and moving away from our upbringing, traditions, values, culture, customs and traditions – the old folks are more at danger than ever before! I remember my late father’s rueful cry – ‘surrounded by people – but have never felt so alone and miserable in my life ever before’. This after the old man refused to wear hearing aids – as they made him uncomfortable! And the loud voices in talking to him slowly evaporated and disappeared – and many times I had seen a tear or two falling down his cheek!

Young Family Having Fun In Park Parents 7 Parents 8 Parents 9

Images – Parents – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

As a person now reaching 65 and moving to the old ages – I can strongly believe that ‘what goes around; comes around’! My children and the family ones too prefer to stay in their own groups – and talk their own gibberish rubbish – and using messages, videos and photos on the latest mobile telephone gadgets – and forget about us the elders – but even the housemaid are very busy fully occupied looking after the children! I think my late father would smile elegantly if he saw the new images of his family – and you deserve it – he would surely retort!

Parents A

 Parents B Crying

 Images – Parents – Crying Parents! – For Demonstration Purposes Only!

In an article I wrote as early as ‘What Is Happening To Us Now? – June 25th 2003 – and The Defiant Rebellious Teenagers – September 15, 2004 – I 9 years ago! – I had saidEver wondered what the future will hold to our grandchildren’s sons and daughters, the way things are going now even with them? It is really worrying and scaring, I tell you! I hope one day my grandchildren will read this article, and know what their father did for them as children! Where is that respect for parents? And to the elders and the older peoples in society? What about our customs, traditions, culture and heritage? Where have they gone?

Stories crop up now and then of elderly people being isolated and left alone by their children and supposed to be caretakers! A society that is not kind and merciful to its elders cannot expect any blessings, protection and goodwill from Allah God. That is an undeniable fact and truth of life. At the time when the idea of creating old peoples and invalid care home was made some years ago – there was an uproar that it was something alien and foreign to our society! Is it perhaps the time to revisit the idea once again?

Allah Protect and Preserve us all – and Guide us to the right path and way – Amin Take Care!

By Majid Al Suleimany